I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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