I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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