That's intense
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
