Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
