We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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