Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
