so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
