I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
