I could make wine with my vomit
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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