So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
