I'm going to rape someone's good day.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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