I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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