I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
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