I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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