Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
