You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
no, he came in my armpit
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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