No awkward lesbian experiences without me
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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