My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
