So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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