How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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