Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
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