i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
