i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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