im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
