i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
