So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
okay pat passed out under dana's car
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
