She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
