remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
