you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When are your genitals available?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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