I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
