i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
