I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
