I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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