I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Randomize
