when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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