Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
