i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
