i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
