my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
