I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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