Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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