I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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