And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she pinky promised me she was 18
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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