He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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