I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
