Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
These tits shall not be calmed
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
