is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
