She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
