Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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