Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
