Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
