His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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