Fuck appropriateness.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's always time for handjobs
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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