i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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