So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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