"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
