My sheets look like a crime scene.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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