I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
