I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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