its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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