She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
