I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
