I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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