im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
