youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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