she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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