I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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