Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
