the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The beer is more important than you right now.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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