last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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