They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just pee around me
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
