i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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